My Groggy Bloggy: Invisalign Shminvisalign

I'm over it. My aligners were supposed to be done in April, but now it's August and I just found out I have at least another 6 months. This will probably be more than you ever wanted to know about Invisalign. But if you've ever considered getting it, here is a true story of what to expect. Let's start from the beginning. The way, way beginning.

In 3rd grade my parents started the orthodontic treatment on my very unfortunate un-straight teeth.
Not sure how normal braces treatment is handled nowadays but back in the early 90s orthodontists liked to do a pre-braces procedure by putting a metal torture chamber on the roof of your mouth connecting 2 of your upper opposite molars. It even had a secret key! And every day you got to put the little key into the little keyhole and turn it 3 times to make magic happen. I've never come across anyone who had issues with this other than pain, but my new mouth contraption didn't allow me to swallow. I'm not just talking food here. I mean I couldn't even keep my saliva down. I. Could. Not. Physically. Swallow. For two whole days (in school mind you) I had to quietly excuse myself every few minutes so I could go to the bathroom and spit out my spit. I was holding saliva in my cheeks like chipmunks store their nuts and it was very painful for my face. My mom wrote a note to my teacher because I couldn't ask to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes nor could I answer any questions without a thick stream of drool pouring down my chin. At recess I walked with my girlfriends but could not join in the conversations except for maybe the first minute after each spit session into the grass beside us. And let me specify here, I'm using the verb "spit" very loosely here. I can't spit like a guy, so for me "to spit" means I open my mouth to let the waterfall proceed and then use the back of my hand to wipe up that last strand of saliva that hangs from my lips. For two days I did not eat one piece of food or drink one sip of water. I remember one of the days my mom came to school at lunch time with McDonald's. While my class went to the lunch room me and my mom stayed in the classroom and I tried my hardest to get even one quarter of a french fry down my throat. If I recall correctly it got stuck on top of the torture box. I don't know what was so different about that thing that prevented me from swallowing when everyone else I knew who had one was fine, but after day 2 of involuntary anorexia my mom got the orthodontist to come into his office late at night and put a stop to the madness. When I got home my dad made me a chocolate milkshake and I'm sure I scarfed down a ton of other unhealthy food because we all felt that I deserved to eat like a fat kid that night. The second that thing came off was one of my biggest relief moments of my life. I dare you to go 48 hours without swallowing.

We proceeded on with the braces resulting in a 5 1/2 year run of metal rainbow mouth, choosing bands that reflected the upcoming holiday or picking the color the cool girl recently changed hers to. If you had braces you had to make a fashion statement out of them. I was fortunate that I never needed a head gear, however I did get to wear those rubber bands that connected from little metal hangers from the top front to the back bottom. And anyone who ever had those knew how dangerous a yawn could be. Every time a yawn ensued those rubber bands sling-shotted out like a bullet! I don't think I ever saw where any of them landed but I don't recall anyone shouting "ow" and turning around with a mean look. Luckily I mostly yawned in class while looking at the backs of heads, not while I was face to face where I could have poked an eye out. Now that I'm recalling this I realize how little I covered my mouth while yawning. I do know that these rubber bands still exist and are used today so if you ever see someone with them, take cover.

The one good thing about getting braces so young is that even if you have them for 5 1/2 years, they come off shortly after high school starts. I got mine removed 1st semester of freshman year and I was so happy to be free of mouth jewelry that I boycotted my retainers. Of course years later in my adult life I would regret this.

Fast forward to age 31 and my bottom teeth had been crossed for years due to over-crowding. That's what happens when you have big horse teeth and a small mouth like me. Seeing a Groupon for $2000 off from "the top Invisalign provider in Alabama and in the top 1% of all orthodontists worldwide" (according to his website) I jumped on it knowing we could pay for it with the money we allotted in our health savings account.

I went in for a consultation to see if I was a candidate for Invisalign and was very happy to learn I was. If I hadn't been I would have opted for a lifetime of over-crowded mouth opposed to doing braces again. We set up my payment plan and made an appointment for my first Invisalign step. When I came back I knew they needed to get a mold of my mouth. Since my last experience with orthodontists was 16 years prior I thought that meant getting an impression taken where they put that HUGE thing in your mouth filled with molding clay where you sit and gag for what feels like eternity. But I was at first pleasantly surprised to find out that's a thing of the past. Now they just scan your mouth with a fancy digital wand. As they scan you can see a digital version of your teeth on a screen. Knowing I didn't have to gag on a mouthful of clay and plastic I was excited until I realized how long the scan took. I had to hold my mouth wide open for 30 minutes. In the end I would have opted for 2 minutes of breathing through my nose.

Now came the exciting part. Wait 2-3 weeks for the aligners to come in so I could start my short 1-year process to straight teeth again! Two weeks later I got the call to come in for my fitting and to get my aligners. As I sat in my chair, the only adult among a pool of youth, I anxiously awaited my aligners knowing most of these kids were dealing with braces. One thing they did not tell me was that this process includes putting glue dots on your teeth. The aligners have these little bubbles in random places and wherever those bubbles are is where a hard piece of pointy sharp glue will be on your teeth for the duration of the program. This allows your aligners to click onto your teeth in a clip-on kind of way. Once those were placed on my teeth they clicked on my first set to make sure they fit right. Then just like they made me do when I got my first set of contacts at the eye doctor, they made me take them out and put them back in twice to ensure I could do it before leaving their office. It was difficult, but I did it. My package said 1 of 54 and I got to change mine every week so that meant 54 weeks and I'd be done! They gave me 12 weeks worth to take home (cause they don't want you moving along faster than you're supposed to) and released me with my rules:
1. Wear 20-22 hours a day
2. Don't eat with them in
3. Can only drink water with them in
4. Brush teeth or at least rinse out with water before putting aligners back in
5. Wash aligners with antibacterial soap only
6. Don't leave in the heat. They will melt.
7. Don't lose them.

The worst thing the first week I had them was the itchiness. I don't know if it was the glue they used or the plastic against the edge of my gums but I wanted to scratch my mouth out. My gums itched so bad I just wanted to claw at my open mouth like a wild animal. Also there is a slight lisp that ensues but mine wasn't too bad and eventually went away. The hardest part was keeping them in 20-22 hours a day and only drinking water when they were in. I struggled with that.

Every 3 months I went back to get the next 12 aligners. At a certain point, around aligner 35, I noticed the bottom aligners showed straight center teeth but my front bottom teeth were not actually straight yet. I mentioned this to the orthodontist thinking we could fix it then instead of waiting til the end. He suggested continuing on as planned. Every week passed and I could tell my teeth were just finding a way to fit into the aligners even though they didn't visually match each other. Low and behold we get to the last set of aligners when I'm supposed to be done but my bottom teeth still aren't straight. He says he'll make me a special retainer that'll fix that last bit of crookedness in 1-2 days. I didn't believe him. I was right. I actually wore it for 5 weeks and nothing happened. My choices were he makes me another special quick fix retainer (no thanks, didn't work the first time) or we do a case refinement. According to the initial paperwork a case refinement is where you get rescanned and get some new aligners starting from where your teeth are at now. It said you get 3 without paying any extra. After that you start paying more which I'm not willing to do. I thought "3 case refinements" meant 3 more aligners which meant 3 more weeks and I'd be done. I opted for the case refinement, so I went back and got scanned again. Two weeks later I was once again called to be informed my new aligners were in. I was so excited to get in to start my final 3 weeks! As she brought out a whole new big box I became quite concerned thinking they ordered more than 3 without consulting me and I would be getting charged a buttload for the additional aligners. But I quickly learned I just didn't understand the fine print correctly. One case refinement means a whole new box of aligners. In this case it was a box of 23 more, which equals 23 more weeks. So I just went from what I thought would be 3 weeks to having 6 months left. I was so bummed. The bad news is this will take much longer than originally planned but the good news is they really do give you a lot more aligners to ensure happiness under the original payment plan. My biggest worry now is I'll get through the 23 new aligners and I'll have to get another case refinement. Crossing my fingers this first refinement will do the job and I can be done in February, almost 2 years after I started. I'm now currently on 2 of 23.

If you are considering Invisalign and have any questions, don't hesitate to ask. I can be your hotline.