My Groggy Bloggy: My Tribute to Matt Kever

Published with my cousin's wife's permission

Why is it when someone close to us dies the day moves so slowly? Maybe it’s because there’s only one thought consuming our mind all day, unwavering and constant, keeping both mind and body from moving forward. Maybe it’s because we’re numb on the inside, stuck in the moment one of our heart strings breaks. Maybe it’s because we’re physically moving slower, taking our time, looking at the big picture, telling ourselves to enjoy this day we’ve been blessed with even though we can’t because we’re mourning the loss of someone who wasn’t given the same privilege. Maybe it’s because we’re questioning a higher power instead of questioning all the trivial things that usually clutter our brains on a daily basis until we realize the day has flown by.

Friday, August 15, 2014 was one of those days for me. I woke up to my phone ringing at 6am by my mom, which is never a good sign. My gut was right. She called to inform me of my cousin Matt’s death. He was not sick. He was not reckless. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was tragic and unexpected. His work days started very early and he had a long commute on top of that. A little before 3:30am an oncoming conversion van pulling a trailer started veering off road. The man over-corrected himself, which took him across the center line. Matt, in his little Nissan car, swerved to miss him but the other vehicle still hit his driver side. They both spun off road into a bean field. My 30-year-old cousin was pronounced dead at the scene. The other guy lived. Matt was wearing his seat belt. He was not on his phone. He was in his lane. He was driving his car instead of his truck to save on gas mileage. He was used to this early morning drive. He was doing everything right. All I could think was if Matt had only been 2 seconds ahead of himself that day, or 2 seconds behind. If only he had taken his pickup truck which could have handled more impact. “If only” is what we all cling on to in these tragedies. But it never changes anything. Seeing images of his mangled car and the driver side covered with a sheet on my hometown news will forever be engraved into my memory. I see and hear this same news story every day but it’s never someone you know…until it is. I later found out he left 10 minutes earlier than normal.

Growing up, my dad’s side all lived in the same town so it was easy to get together and luckily our family was close. Every Sunday after everyone finished up at their respective churches everyone would make their way to my grandparents house for brunch. My grandparents prepared everything and we would occupy both kitchen and dining room tables. As a kid this was already about 18 people. Sometimes the adults would sit in one room and the 8 cousins in the other. Sometimes 2 families would sit in each room. My grandma even used to have name cards so we just knew where to go without playing musical chairs. It was always kind of fun to see which family members I’d be sitting by each week. Tables were covered in 2 liters of various soda flavors and both cheese and pickle trays were a weekly norm. As me and my cousins got older and started getting married and having kids the tradition continued so my grandparents eventually bought a bigger house so they could fit the now almost 40 people. The tradition faded out a few years ago as my grandparents got too old to keep that up on a weekly basis, but for 20+ years we gathered and enjoyed food, jokes and conversation every Sunday. Nobody’s birthday or anniversary was ever forgotten. They were always celebrated with gifts, cards and cake. And every holiday was exaggerated with too much food and too many presents. I loved growing up being so close to my cousins, especially since I was an only child.

My baby cousin, Matt, (although less than 3 years younger than me) always seemed to have a good head on his shoulders, which isn’t usually the case when it comes to the youngest. He was musically involved in high school and was the drummer for many bands since, including church and cover bands. Shortly after high school he started dating this girl who went by Lish. Due to our family’s weekly tradition we usually met everyone’s girlfriends and boyfriends pretty quickly. About 2 months later Matt and Lish announced their engagement. Matt was only 19. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I personally thought they were moving a bit fast. Another month later we found out Lish was pregnant and I thought ‘okay now I get what’s going on.’ They had the baby first and then got married which meant really cute daddy/daughter pictures with Matt and his newborn. To be blunt I didn’t think it would last. Too many times you see this situation and it doesn’t work out. But they quickly proved me wrong and over the years they proved me way wrong. They had two more daughters and had just celebrated their 10-year anniversary shortly before his death. Over the course of their marriage I actually admired how close and affectionate and uncommon their marriage was. It was something to be envious of. With Matt working crazy hours, Lish in nursing school, and 3 daughters ages 4-10 you’d think they’d be stressed out and grumpy. But I never saw that. They were truly soul mates, in love with their life, and I am positive their marriage would have lasted a lifetime if only he had been given the chance for a longer one.

Matt was no stranger to working hard. At times he worked multiple jobs to support his family. A few years ago Lish left work to go back to school for nursing. Matt carried his family’s needs on his shoulders, smiling, although I’m sure exhausted. Whenever I got to see him he was smiling. He truly seemed happy. He worked a laborious job, commuted 4 hours a day, stayed involved with his girls, loved on his wife, played in a band that had gigs, played in church, hunted, fished, worked on cars and spent time with extended family and friends. I don’t know how he did all that, but he did it smiling.

I’ve experienced deaths in my family but it’s always been great-grandparents or grandparents, which is expected even if it’s unexpected. And when I was informed of them I didn’t get emotional right away. It’s like my body needed time to soak in the truth that they were really gone. When I heard about Matt I immediately broke down even though I was in complete disbelief. I was instantly heartbroken, not just for the loss of him in this world, but for the 4 most important girls in his life who would never be hugged by their hero again. He was a husband/father who created an envious marriage and family life. He was a son/grandson/nephew/cousin who made us laugh and proud. He was a mechanic who offered to fix car issues for super cheap, not because he was in it for the money, but because he liked doing it and helping others. He was a drummer who performed on stages to local fans who called him “hatboy.” He was an employee who got up at 2:30am, drove 2 hours to work, started his work day at 5am and drove 2 hours back all because he felt the money was worth it to better his family. He was a gift God put on Earth who had apparently fulfilled his will and was called home.

As Matt was laid to rest it was apparent the impact he had on people. His second showing had a line through the entire funeral home into another unused viewing room for the duration of the showing, extending his hours. As us family exited the church first after his funeral we descended down the outdoor stairs lined with people who could not fit into the church. The procession to the cemetery was 92 cars long. He touched a lot of people and led a life we should all strive to resemble. Although there are no more future memories to be made with Matt I will cherish the ones my grandparents made possible during those thousands of family meals. And I will especially remember the last time I saw him which was a year ago when he met Eva and he held her in his arms. She was as calm as could be because he was a pro at holding little girls. You could say Matt aced the test of life. I can only hope to do the same one day.

The 8 cousins (Matt's the baby)

me and Matt

this happened often

one of many meals

cousins getting older (Matt in front)

The Christmas Chaos

Matt and his daughters

Matt and family

Lish and Matt

I hate bringing up the topic of social media in this post but let’s face it, it’s practically a way of life now. Looking through Matt’s Facebook page brought me both comfort and sorrow. It also showcased how awesome he was and brought many positive adjectives to mind.

Awesome Dad: